Mistress Can’t Catch a Break

Poor Mistress.

She was all primped up.

Her clean shaven folds freshly tended.

Slave was all caged up for the day.

When she called before heading over to her Lover’s house for a “nooner” she even reminded me of my status, as she typically does.

How’s the cage, Slave?”

“Tight, Mistress….”

But at least a relative heat wave here (up into the 20’s…. woo hoo….). NO need for the “peter heaters” that Fury was recommending, at least not until the weekend.

But as I was eating lunch, asking the maitre de to move my table so I would not have to sit next to our insufferable, diminutive Mayor, I got a text from Mistress….

“At Jay’s, Slave.  But no sex. will fill you in later…..”

I was certainly crestfallen on her behalf, despite my caged status.

Later she filled me in on the sad details.

“Jay has some guys replacing his furnace…. they said they were going to be working outside today…. but it turned out they were in and out all lunch time….it was a real cluster fuck…..”

Poor Mistress. All dressed up (or ready to undress) and no one to fuck!

“We had some lunch, talked a bit, but the guys never finished before I had to leave….”

“I guess it was still a little too cold for some snow drift nookie, Mistress?”

She gave me a frustrated snort.

Of course, back in the UCTMW Executive Suite, I  did my best to replace with avid lips and tongue what Mistress had been anticipating. Sadly….. sometimes “home cooking” comfort food cannot make do when you have your heart is set on something a little spicier and more robust.

“So how did you leave it with Jay, Mistress?”

“Maybe next week, Slave…..”

Slave Caged While Mistress "Lunches" With Her Lover

Mistress let me know yesterday that she’s finally been able to coordinate her schedule with her lover Jay. After a few weeks of out of town travel, and a frustrating week of school closings here in the frozen heartland, the stars have aligned. Mistress will be joining Jay for some lunch and other “amenities” at his home out in the ‘burbs at noon today.

“And I think that means it’s a good day for you to dust off that cage, slave….”

I suppose it is. Slave has been a bit of  a cage slacker these last few weeks. And certainly the cold temperatures have not made me too efficient about asking Mistress whether I should wear it in the morning.

Yesterday, as an example, it was minus 11 when I wandered out onto the tundra to warm up my car for the ride downtown. I don’t even want to think about how quickly that metal would have chilled down to an uncomfortable level. Would my tender parts have stuck to the steel cage like a tongue to a proverbial flag pole in those temperatures?….. yikes!

So it’s fortunate that today it may actually get up into the 20’s. There shouldn’t be too much risk of permanent damage to my work-a-day cock as long as I don’t walk too far to lunch, right?

Regardless, I think Mistress has been missing time with Jay. Although I’ve done my best to fill in these last few weeks, an hour or so of hard core fucking is surely a good remedy after two weeks of chilling snow and cold here in River City.

Hopefully she’ll let me soothe those well exercised folds with my devoted tongue when we get home this evening.

Is the Google Curtain Falling on UCTMW?

In the midst of a busy work day yesterday, Slave got an ominous email from our “host” here at UCTMW:

In the coming weeks, we’ll no longer allow blogs that contain sexually explicit or graphic nude images or video. We’ll still allow nudity presented in artistic, educational, documentary, or scientific contexts, or where there are other substantial benefits to the public from not taking action on the content.

The new policy will go into effect on the 23rd of March 2015. After this policy goes into effect, Google will restrict access to any blog identified as being in violation of our revised policy. No content will be deleted, but only blog authors and those with whom they have expressly shared the blog will be able to see the content we’ve made private.

I guess I should not be too surprised that a gigantic corporate entity that has provided cyber-space to us gratis for all these years has suddenly woken up to the idea that there’s nothing in it for them in providing a free home for the semi-explicit ramblings of the likes of me.  But what was confusing to me is whether UCTMW really does face the google axe.
Is this place really a home for “sexually explicit or graphic nude images ”?
There are the occasional images of Mistress’s lush and seductive curves and soft, oh so touchable skin. Those very soft core types of  images are part of what UCTMW has been over these last nearly 7 years of  postings.  We’ve gone through 1547 posts, and more than 1,400,000 page views here. And, at least as far as I can tell, Western civilization has not crumbled any more expeditiously than before we arrived here in our little corner of the internet.
I’d like to think that we fall into the category of “artistic” presentation of nudity. And couldn’t it be said that the presentation of a near retirement age guy getting as much action as I do provides the sort of inspiration that is a “substantial benefit to the public?”  But how do I find the faceless drone at google who decides whether or not to pull our plug, so I can explain that “benefit”. Google probably already has launched an algorhythmn to handle that task. It knows it when it scans it!
I suppose it’s possible for us to re-launch at another host – some of you transitioned to WordPress some time ago. We do have a UCTMW site over at Instagram where we’ve posted images from this blog and shared others. They don’t seem to have a problem with racy photos, let alone Mistress’s lush and tempting curves.
 I really do need some advice here. I would love to avoid the hassle of starting over in some new “home”. Slave is too old to be a refugee, carting my laptop and all the belongings I can carry over some cyber world version of an  icy mountain pass, like Julie Andrews and those annoying brats  in the Sound of Music.
Here’s what I want to know:
–       what exactly constitutes “sexually explicit or graphic nude images”? Does it include a tastefully depicted image of Mistress’s rump, as long as here clean shaven folds are not tossed in for good measure? What about a nipple or two? And when I posted those lovely photos of Mistress modeling her V-Day undies…. Did that cross the line?
–       We’ve always foregone images of actual sexual coupling here. And lord knows I have not shown any photos of Slave’s “work-a-day” cock. (Except a couple of times when shielded by its cage). So what constitutes a “ sexually explicit  or graphic nude image”?
–       If Slave wakes up on March 23 – the day when google’s new policy goes into effect – and discovers UCTMW is shut off except for special invitees, is it too late to promote some alternative venue?
–       Is there a way to move existing content from this blog to a new host? Or will the world forever be deprived of all this valuable “content” once the google curtain falls?
Please share any thoughts or ideas !!!!!

Hunkered Down For the Weekend

When the temperatures are hovering south of the + sign, the best thing to do is huddle beneath a warm blanket and cling to your Mistress.

That may be our philosophy this weekend, particularly because the snow is coming down again.  I am already coming up with excuses not to leave the house, at least until this afternoon.

It certainly worked last night, when Slave came home from work to find Mistress in an alluring black nightie, already warm and toasty under our life saving electric blanket.

What better way to start the weekend than with some early evening nooky with your loving Mistress.

She did have lunch with her lover Jay yesterday afternoon.  But because of cold weather school closings here in the frozen heartland, Jay’s house was unavailable for any mid-day delight….

“It was nice to see him Slave, but it’s been nearly three weeks now….”

I can tell Mistress is missing her alternative and ultra-buff lover. Hopefully the weather in the coming week will get back to something more normal for a number of reasons, including opportunities for Mistress to engage in sanctioned extra-curricular activities.

Meanwhile, she will have to make do with her Slave’s more traditional sexual stylings.

Hopefully I can rise to the occasion.


Mistress has been a bit under the weather this week…. a winter cold and cough. Combine that with the first snow and the coldest temperatures of the winter and it’s been hard to pry her from our warm and toasty bed this week.

She’s hoping her head cold clears up so she can enjoy a delightful nooner in Friday with her lover Jay.  It’s been several weeks, and I can tell that there is some pent up demand for his more athletic brand of sexual exploits.

Now it’s snowing again, and Slave is annoyed he has to go to work in all of it. And there will be some shoveling to do even before I head to the office.

Sure would be nice to take a snow day and force Mistress to stay in bed all day.

If only…..

(Hope you enjoy the final shot of Mistress in her new V-Day panties.)

Well Adjusted Kinksters?

Here at the UCTMW World HQ, Mistress and slave enjoyed a low key Sunday, catching up on some work, and spending a lot of time in bed. Mistress even let me take another photo of her in her new V-Day panties to share in response to widespread reader demand (Well at least one of you asked for more!)
Meanwhile, in the mainstream media, where sharing shots of your wife’s firm and hot ass are not quite as prevalent, the world is still focused on the premier of “50 Shades”, with coverage from all sorts of angles. One I noticed was an article posted on Psychology Today titled The Surprising Psychology of BDSM. It concluded that only about 2% of us engage in bondage or physical discipline in real life, but that more than a majority of us dabble in domination or submission in our fantasy lives:
1. How many people are into S&M?
According to researchers, the number likely falls somewhere between 2 percent and 62 percent. That’s right: Somewhere between 2 percent and 62 percent. A pollster who published numbers like that would be looking for a new job. But when you’re asking people about their sex habits, the wording of the question makes all the difference.
On the low end, Juliet Richters and colleagues (2008) asked a large sample of Australians whether they had “been involved in B&D or S&M” in the past 12 months. Only 1.3 percent of women and 2.2 percent of men said yes.
On the high end, Christian Joyal and colleagues (2015) asked over 1,500 women and men about their sexual fantasies. 64.6 percent of women and 53.3 percent of men reported fantasies about being dominated sexually—and 46.7 percent of women and 59.6 percent of men reported fantasies about dominating someone sexually.
So while most of you out there reserve domination and submission to hot masturbatory otherwise  undisclosed fantasies, it’s not something particularly unusual.  And while the M/f style of submission may be slightly more prevalent, the research shows that more than 40% of women harbor a secret longing for some hapless male to grovel at their feet or be chained to their bed to serve their carnal needs.
Does this mean that more of us are fucked up than we’d like to admit. Not at all, dear readers.  The research also shows that habitual BDSM’ers are better adjusted psychologically than your average vanilla guy or lady:
Pamela Connolly (2006) compared BDSM practitioners to published norms on 10 psychological disorders. Compared to the normative samples, BDSM practitioners had lower levels of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychological sadism, psychological masochism, borderline pathology, and paranoia. (They showed equal levels of obsessive-compulsive disorder and higher levels of dissociation and narcissism.)
Similarly, Andreas Wismeijer and Marcel van Assen (2013) compared BDSM practitioners to non-BDSM-practitioners on major personalitytraits. Their results showed that in comparison to non-practitioners, BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being. Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticismand rejection sensitivity. The one negative trait that emerged? BDSM practitioners showed lower levels of agreeableness than non-practitioners.
So maybe we’re not all that “agreeable”…. Less likely to just go along with the flow? But isn’t that better than being depressed, paranoid or anxious?
There are trade-offs, even for those of us who’d rather lick our devoted wives’ feet than go to a baseball game with the guys.

Photo Shoot

The arctic blast that descended on the heartland yesterday did not cool the passions of V Day here in our UCTMW empty nest.

There was your not too early morning wake-up sex.  Then, after we both dealt with our respective mothers at lunch time, a rejoinder between the sheets for a nice nap and more sex to while away the afternoon. Mistress’s lover Jay was out of town this week, but they did not connect by phone as we lay in bed in a post-coital glow. And then there was her ex-College boy friend. also wishing her a happy V-Day on the phone before we headed out for movie and a dinner in the neighborhood last evening.

So while Mistress had to make do with only the attentions of her Slave yesterday, at least she knew she was top of mind with some of her other suitors as well.

It may not be the sunny delight of our SW hideaway, but who can complain?

And there was time for a photo shoot, too so Mistress could display one of the panties that her V Day cupid brought her….. all wrapped up by that Saks Lingerie Biddy I mentioned yesterday.

What do you think?  Should I get Mistress to model the other two pair for display later this week?

Love Is In the Air

Happy Valentine’s Day from the UCTMW media empire!

Here in River City, Slave slipped away from work yesterday to pick up some V Day tribute for my lovely Mistress. I guess I waited a little too long because the lingerie department at our local verstigal Saks store was a little thin by the time I arrived. Apparently V Day is to sexy undies what the 4th of July is to fireworks….

I did find three colorful panties that would seem to suit Mistress, and handed them to the matronly biddy who was presiding at the cash register.

“Would you like me to wrap these for you?”

“That would be nice. Thank you.”

“Should I wrap them separately, or together.”

“Hmmm….. I guess it’s possible they’re for three different women….., but in this case, just one box will do”.

She gave me a little biddyish smile.

“You’d be surprised what you  hear when you work in the lingerie department….”

She even commented on my selection with approval…..

“I received some hanky pankies a few years back as a gift….. always a nice selection.”

Was this lingerie department small talk?  Somehow I didn’t want to think of this biddy in the type of sexy undies I just picked out for Mistress.

I snatched my wrapped box and got out of there quickly.  Maybe we’ve taken this whole V Day thing a little too far.

Yesterday, on our stayed old public radio station, there was an “announcement from a sponsor”. It was about where and how to acquire a special V Day 50 Shades of Grey teddy bear. That is “accessorized”.  I was wondering what those accessories are?  Cuffs? Whips? Chains?

Actually, only blind folds and cuffs:

I did see in the Washington a special V Day article entitled everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-love-in-25-maps-and-charts.

Here’s a few things I learned:
1) Despite all that talk about “family values” those former slave states down south have a higher percentage of divorced and separated households then us Yankee states.
2) Marriage is not as popular as it used to be. Less than 50% of us think marriage and kids should be a priority.
3) More than 38% of us have used on-line matchmaking systems to find lovers, though there is no specific mention of Ashley Madison.
4) More Democrats think an unsatisfying sex life is  a problem for a marriage then Republicans do.
5) Less than half of “White Main Line Protestants” think an unsatisfying sex life is a problem in a marriage, confirming my working theory that Episcopalians are more likely to have sticks up their asses than the rest of us. (Did I get that theory from watching Downton Abbey with Mistress?)
6) A map of common words that folks use to attract others to their on-line profiles betrays certain regional predilections:

So if you’re from Kentucky, the word “basketball” is used as your “honey trap”. In Michigan and Ohio you seduce around a “bonfire”. In Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia you invite your date for some “grilling”, which I suppose is better than a “Lynching”. (Fortunately, there was no on line dating in the earlier half of the 20th Century.)

There are states, like Louisiana, Arkansas and the Dakotas where the first date is  to take your new match “hunting”. And then in Jersey the word is “Lounge”. Bada Bing!

In Texas and Oklahoma, folks actually think the word “Oil” will lubricate their romantic prospects. Can “fracking” be far behind?

Sadly, the words “cuckold” , “submit” and “femdom” have not amde the cut yet.

Maybe next year.

Fifty Shades of Marketing

Yesterday the local River City Gazette featured on the front of the “local” section a full page “spread” on the new movie version of “50 Shades of Grey”, that BDSM novel for sorority girls and tweeners that has become an international publishing sensation. The article had a 1/2 page still from the movie to take up space that might have otherwise been filled by the words of recently laid off reporters. There was another teaser photo on the front page to make sure you didn’t miss the article.

What was the local rag’s excuse for what to many eyes would appear to be paid advertising?

It turns out that our local Catholic Archbishop had issued an edict to his “flock” directing them to boycott said movie. The Archbishop’s statement read in part:

“In this movie, a young Miss Steele is urged to sign a contract becoming a sex slave and agreeing to an abusive and degrading relationship” which, he pointed out “is in diret contrast to the Christian message of God’s design for self-sacrificing love, marriage and sexual intimacy.”

The comments section under this article was filled with lots of choice suggestions on the temerity of this edict, including several suggesting that it made some folks more likely to see the movie, and wondering where said Archbishop  was when all those randy Priests were encouraging altar boys to enter into “abusing and degrading” relationships.

But my take was as follows: was this paid advertising, or “earned media”? Either way it was bound to have the opposite effect from what the Archbishop claimed he was trying to accomplish. It made you wonder whether the Diocese would get a cut. You can’t have better viral marketing, particularly as folks shared the article with saucy comments on Facebook and Twitter.

It flashed me back to the pre-social media days of my youth in upstate NY in the late 1950’s.  The only sermon I can remember from those days was a Priest railing against a new movie called “Baby Doll”, which he described as sordid and sinful, and which all good Catholics were told to boycott or otherwise face eternal damnation.  Even at 8 or 9 it sure made me curious about what I was missing.

This morning I pulled up the original movie poster and learned that the movie the Priest was demanding that my parents boycott was based on a book written by Tennessee Williams, and featured crusty old Karl Maldon, who, you may recall, played a Priest himself in “On the Waterfront” and later starred opposite Michael Douglas on “The Streets of San Francisco”.  How could old good old Karl have been in a porn flick?

It makes me want to see if I can find it on Netflix.

I suspect that, as with 50 Shades, the Catholic Church’s “ban” of “Baby Doll” just helped sell more tickets. You can’t get better free advertising than that!

In the meantime, Mistress had been invited to attend an advance screening of 50 Shades tonight with a former work colleague. It’s a benefit sponsored by a local purveyor of sex toys called “Pure Romance”. I wonder if they invited the Archbishop?  Last night Mistress heard that her friend can’t make it. She was offered the tickets and told to bring a friend, but has decided to pass. Of course Mistress may be the only woman under 70 left in America who has not read “50 Shades”. She seems completely uninterested in seeing the movie too.

I think she’s waiting for the F/m sequel.

Back in the Groove?

Or is it a rut?

Mistress and Slave are back in River City.

After an epic week in our SW hideaway.

All that sun and snow and sex has a tendency to jade one about a return to the work-a-day world.

To shake us put of our desultory mood, Mistress has proclaimed that slave should have an abstinence day today.

“Slave, you really are spoiled. Maybe a day without sex will make you appreciate your Mistress  better.”

Well I certainly do appreciate her. But a day focused on her pleasure rather than my own may be a good thing for both of us, don’t you think?