Happy Valentine’s Day from the UCTMW media empire!
Here in River City, Slave slipped away from work yesterday to pick up some V Day tribute for my lovely Mistress. I guess I waited a little too long because the lingerie department at our local verstigal Saks store was a little thin by the time I arrived. Apparently V Day is to sexy undies what the 4th of July is to fireworks….
I did find three colorful panties that would seem to suit Mistress, and handed them to the matronly biddy who was presiding at the cash register.
“Would you like me to wrap these for you?”
“That would be nice. Thank you.”
“Should I wrap them separately, or together.”
“Hmmm….. I guess it’s possible they’re for three different women….., but in this case, just one box will do”.
She gave me a little biddyish smile.
“You’d be surprised what you hear when you work in the lingerie department….”
She even commented on my selection with approval…..
“I received some hanky pankies a few years back as a gift….. always a nice selection.”
Was this lingerie department small talk? Somehow I didn’t want to think of this biddy in the type of sexy undies I just picked out for Mistress.
I snatched my wrapped box and got out of there quickly. Maybe we’ve taken this whole V Day thing a little too far.
Yesterday, on our stayed old public radio station, there was an “announcement from a sponsor”. It was about where and how to acquire a special V Day 50 Shades of Grey teddy bear. That is “accessorized”. I was wondering what those accessories are? Cuffs? Whips? Chains?
Actually, only blind folds and cuffs:
I did see in the Washington a special V Day article entitled everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-love-in-25-maps-and-charts.
Here’s a few things I learned:
1) Despite all that talk about “family values” those former slave states down south have a higher percentage of divorced and separated households then us Yankee states.
2) Marriage is not as popular as it used to be. Less than 50% of us think marriage and kids should be a priority.
3) More than 38% of us have used on-line matchmaking systems to find lovers, though there is no specific mention of Ashley Madison.
4) More Democrats think an unsatisfying sex life is a problem for a marriage then Republicans do.
5) Less than half of “White Main Line Protestants” think an unsatisfying sex life is a problem in a marriage, confirming my working theory that Episcopalians are more likely to have sticks up their asses than the rest of us. (Did I get that theory from watching Downton Abbey with Mistress?)
6) A map of common words that folks use to attract others to their on-line profiles betrays certain regional predilections:
So if you’re from Kentucky, the word “basketball” is used as your “honey trap”. In Michigan and Ohio you seduce around a “bonfire”. In Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia you invite your date for some “grilling”, which I suppose is better than a “Lynching”. (Fortunately, there was no on line dating in the earlier half of the 20th Century.)
There are states, like Louisiana, Arkansas and the Dakotas where the first date is to take your new match “hunting”. And then in Jersey the word is “Lounge”. Bada Bing!
In Texas and Oklahoma, folks actually think the word “Oil” will lubricate their romantic prospects. Can “fracking” be far behind?
Sadly, the words “cuckold” , “submit” and “femdom” have not amde the cut yet.
Maybe next year.